Alone, Not Lonely
by AbbyTheBlue
Summary: When the Doctor gets a message form a Gallifrey at war, he begins to question the laws of science, the people to stay with, and the true meaning of what it is to be lonely.


Amy leaned against the TARDIS console, as the Doctor swirled around like a dancer pressing the various buttons and knobs used to fly the machine. "I was thinking the moon of Saurus 12, great circuses! The magicians are fantastic, I thought it was magic myself for a while there!"

"Whatever you think," Said Amy with a shrug. "I'm only here because Rory's out and I'm bored, so wherever we can go to not make me bored." She confessed.

"Exactly! Wherever is where we can go! So let's go exactly where wherever is and when whenever is to the where and the when of an amazing future!" He babbled.

"Wait… what…?"

"Oh, never mind!" He said. "Speaking of which, I thought-"

He stopped in his tracks. He heard a sound. They both did. Their ears pricked up like dogs', waiting for it to repeat. And so it did. It was a knocking, on the door of the TARDIS. Amy scrunched up her eyebrows in a look of confusion. "We haven't landed yet… have we?  
She asked.

"No…" The Doctor said, slowly walking to the noise-emitting door. "No, we're in deep space…" Carefully and curiously, the Doctor opened the doors to the TARDIS.

He swung backward when a little blue and red cube flew in and started crashing off the walls. He ducked beneath it, until he reached up and caught it. He turned it in his hand. It was a foggy blue, but in the middle was a blinking red light, the shade of regeneration energy. The Doctor didn't say anything, or show anything in his face. He just stared.

"Hang on," Said Amy, observing it over his shoulder. "Isn't that a Time Lord message-y thing?" She asked. "Except the last one was just blue…"

"Yes, well, yes and no," He said wistfully, barely looking up at her. She waited for him to elaborate, but as he stared at it, entranced, he didn't.

"Yes and no?" She questioned.

He sighed heavily, still not looking up at her. "It's a calling. I've seen them before, most people over 100 recieved them. Even sometimes 80 or 90…"

"So, what like… a school? Letter to Hogwarts for Time Lords?" She joked.

"No not a school," He responded. At last he looked up at her, his eyes heavy. "A rough English translation is a draft for war." He said. The color in her face fell. He stared back down at it. "I've only received one before, when I ran away… No more, I said. But more people were drafted to fight in the Time War. And apparently, so have I…" His eyes, while he spoke, were aged and cold and empty, like he wasn't looking at the floor of the TARDIS, but at the flame of the war, at the bodies piling up, listening to the screams. In half a second, he returned to his child-like demeanor.

"What really stumps me is how it got here," He said, turning it over in his hand again.

After a moment, he sprung up and hurried to his console, so fast it made Amy jump. "What are you doing now?" She demanded, turning to face him and he flipped open a control panel full of messy wires. "Tracing the signal!" He responded in a hurry. He spoke rapidly as he hooked several wires up to the corner of the cube. "If the message is somewhat fresh, I may be able to get a lock on the person that sent it!"

"The Time Lord?" Amy asked excitedly.

The Doctor swallowed, trying as hard as he could to keep his hopes down. "I did say person," He snapped. But before Amy could object, he cried out in success. "Aha!" He shouted, jumping up and hurrying to his monitor. When he saw it, his head cocked and his shoulders straightened. He stared at the screen.

"Now that's really very impossible…" He said glancing at his TARDIS. "You know that…"

"So it _is_ another Time Lord!" Inferred Amy excitedly, her eyes widening.

"No," He responded. "Even more impossible than that…"

"What could possibly be more impossible that a Time Lord being back from the dead and sending you a war message?" She asked.

The Doctor slowly nodded. "Well… If my TARDIS is right and she is _never_ wrong… The place this particular war letter was sent from…" He looked slowly up at Amy with a childish grin spreading across his face. "Is outside the universe,"

Amy gave him a look of awe and disbelief. She opened her mouth to speak, but to many questions tried to force their way out at once.

He giggled as he flipped a few switches on the TARDIS. "Get your sunhat and your toothbrush Amy!" He said, pulling the dematerializer and hearing it loudly shift into place. "We're taking a vacation farther than ever before!"

The Doctor parked at the end of the universe, and looked out of the TARDIS doors. The lack of gravity outside made his hair sway back and forth, but didn't do much else. Outside was empty. More empty than the rest of space. There were no stars. No nothing. A mile or two in front of him was a vast red wall of dark matter, beyond which, was nothing that anyone knew. He looked around. Nothing.

"Amy!" He called back. "Flip the blue one!"

"We can't just teleport the TARDIS there?" She asked.

"Leaving the universe requires precision! Well, I think…" Amy rolled her eyes and flipped the blue switch. The TARDIS made a small click, like it was shifting gears, and then did nothing. It took Amy a long time staring out the doors from in front of the console to tell that they were moving rapidly to the side. All she had to go on was minuscule patterns in the wall at the edge of the universe. She stared at it, entranced. The red-black matter swam within itself. It was old. Amy could see that. She could read it, almost. She felt as though it were telling her something, as though there was something written on it, like going to an old tomb. Were those hieroglyphs or the natural structure of the rock? She couldn't tell. The Doctor glanced back at her, knowing what she was thinking.

"Not many civilizations ever make it this far," He said. "Nobody's out here. It's empty and black and dark. Nobody was ever born here, and nobody ever shall be. Those who visit tremble and go, in fear of the end. They never stay to repopulate. And they dare not mark the ancient barrier in any way. Still… all cultures who have made it this far have seen a message on it. The Krishans of Samara 10 heard it say ' _Mieri gluk rengadi'_. Something about a lord's word. The Toliatins thought it said ' _Stratev gleib tu reichen yook'_ , roughly translates into ' _mortals dare not tread'_. My people thought its message was ' _Tradeff ya vul a meden yarola…'_ "

The words rolled angelically off his tongue, like they were meant to be there. _Gallifreyan_ , Amy thought. _The language he was supposed to speak._

"It means 'You are allowed no more,'." He chuckled softly. "Very Gallifreyan. All wise, and intimidating, and poetic… Rather good, but it's not my favorite. Really, I always thought humans put it best."

Amy looked at him for a moment, deciding not to question that humans had made it this far. Slowly she stepped forward, her toes hanging off the edge of the TARDIS.

"What did the humans say it was?" She asked him softly.

He looked up slightly. "They said 'I offer you no more'" He told her simply. She stared out into it, a little less intimidated. The way her people put it made it sounds like a kind old man, who had given the spawn of the universe all it could. Still though, it was vast and powerful. The rest of the species talked of fear and daring not to cross. While she could understand the human translation, she could understand theirs two. Softly, she took the Doctor's hand. "Is it supposed to make me scared?" She asked, very quietly, as to not disturb the eternal, unbreakable peace.

The Doctor gripped her hand tight in his and glanced over at her with a smile spread angelically over his face. "Definitely," He answered.

He looked back into the eternity. For a moment, he squinted, and then his eyes widened. "Amy, pull the main lever, quickly," He said hurriedly. Amy didn't hesitate, and ran back to the console, pulling the biggest lever on the TARDIS, bringing it to a smooth halt. The Doctor pointed outward. "There it is," He said.

Amy rushed back to the doors, and looked outward, scanning at where he was pointing. It took her a long time to realize what was different. Hiding behind the nebulous clouds of red were small spots of silvery-yellow. When she found the first one, more seemed to appear from nowhere. In a straight line, stars broke gently out of the vast wall. It was a crack. A crack in the universe. It looked unnatural, and brought panic and adventure to her heart. "Is that where the message is from? Where we're going through?" She asked him, her eyes wide.

The Doctor nodded, smiling excitedly. "Are you ready?" he asked her.

"No," She admitted, as confidently as she could.

"Good," He responded. "Something would be very wrong if you were," A childlike grin splashed over his lips, and he leapt back to the TARDIS. Adventure sparked in his eyes as he pushed slowly forward a lever, moving the TARDIS into the crack. As the non-gravity outside the TARDIS softly lifted Amy's hair, she saw the crack get rapidly closer. She could feel her heartbeat in her temples, but she didn't move from that spot. The Doctor could hear his hearts in his chest like drums, as the walls of the crack vanished behind them.

Amy looked around. It was… space. Stars. Planets. She ran through her head what had just happened, checking over once, twice, three times that it _had, in fact, happened._ No drug trips, dream pollen, crazy Time Lord magic stuff? It took her a long time to actually wrap her head around it, but, no, they had really just left the universe itself.

"We just left the universe…" She whispered, taken aback. She thought there would be less shock in the Doctor's voice than hers, but she could tell this was a first for him too.

"Yesh," He reassured. "We literally just left the universe," He concluded.

They both stared out the doors for a moment longer. "So we're not even… in the universe?" Amy reassured again.

"No, we're not in the universe, we're completely outside the universe. I don't know where we are, but I can certainly tell you it isn't the universe."

Amy swallowed and slowly nodded. "That is, that is really just so… so… so..." She searched for the word in her mind. She expected something insightful, but a foolish, child-like grin interrupted her. "Awesome!" She finished, turning back to the Doctor.

"We totally just left the universe!" She fully realized, turning around to face him. the Doctor grinned along with her.

"We totally just did!" He laughed.

"Ha!" Shrieked Amy excitedly, as they tackled each other in an eager hug.

"Oh," She said pulling back. "Let's explore, I mean, we've never seen anything here!"

"I know, I don't even know where to start!" The Doctor responded.

"The coordinates! Let's get what we came for!"

"Right!" The Doctor agreed, clapping his hands together, and turning to his console. He took a step closer. "I hope she works the same way here…" He said this passing thought aloud. He shrugged. "One way to find out!" He concluded, and hurried up to the console, and punched in the coordinates. Amy shut the doors.

The Doctor grinned as the TARDIS's center swished slowly up and down, like it was nervous. "Come on dear, it's not that different. You can do it!" He motivated.

Little by little, the speed increased, until the TARDIS worked like it did back at home, and landed god knows where. The Doctor leaned suavely back on the console. "You going to see what's out that door or not?" He said confidently, clearly trying to impress Amy.

"You first, space-boy!" She said, playfully punching him in the arm. He laughed and pulled open the doors to the TARDIS.

His smile crashed onto the floor.

Amy couldn't see past him, but her curiosity ravaged at her, fueled by his mysterious silence and straight face. "What is it?" She asked. "Is it parallel Earth?" She asked with a gasp.

"No," He responded.

"Is it parallel you?" She guessed eagerly.

"No,"

"Is it a Time Lord? Did another Time Lord send it?!"

The Doctor didn't even answer. "This is impossible…" He muttered to himself. "It just can't be, it can't!"

"We've seen an awful lot of impossible today, what could possibly be any more unlikely that outside the universe?" She asked. Slowly, the Doctor turned around and stepped aside, nervously adjusting his bowtie. He revealed a deep red sky and sandy auburn ground, and long, bubbled-up cities. Smoke rose from the hilltops, and humanoid bodies scattered the ground. Daleks, so far away they looked like insects whizzed overhead in a swarm, and soldiers marched atop the corpses. The city was in chaos, and the tall, once glorious pyramid buildings were dirty, and cracking and falling. It was a planet at chaos. At war…

"Gallifrey…" The Doctor answered slowly. "It's Gallifrey. And we've landed in the middle of the war."

Amy's eyes widened, the fire burning on the ground getting caught in her eyes. She wanted to run away, but before she knew what she was doing she ran the other direction, out into the chaos of the planet. The smell of smoke and dead bodies hit her like a bullet.

"AMY!" The Doctor called back, running after her. "AMY, NO!" He ran between the soldiers, narrowly avoiding dalek lasers shooting at the ground. But Amy was fast. She found a small, sturdy white building with a chimney-like structure atop it that shot out red and blue cubes like the one the Doctor got by the dozen, in all different directions. That must be where the men were recruited. She hurried inside, and the Doctor ran in after her.

It took her a moment to remember that little fact about Time Lord technology the TARDIS had taught her, as inside the tiny hut she found a huge, breathtaking office full of little tables with men in red uniforms behind them. On the other side of the tables, Amy saw plainly dressed people. Some were angry. Some were crying. Some were being paid as mercenaries. All were new soldiers. One of the men behind an empty table beckoned to the Doctor. Quickly, he walked over.

"What is this? How are you here?" He demanded.

The man behind the table had a long face and a big red flowering headdress. "The Doctor, if I'm not mistaken. Known for running away when drafted. And, of course, several other rebellious charges." He said. "But war calls for desperate times. We need every man we can get,"

"What, no!" The Doctor said. "I am not some _man_ you can _get_!"

"Save your breath, we've heard every word of it before," Droned the man.

"How are you all alive? Gallifrey was destroyed!" He insisted.

"Moved," He corrected. "To a bubble universe. Where have you been living…"

The Doctor's eyes widened. Brief memories darted past his conscious mind. He had done something… what had he done?

The man behind the table checked a few things off on a piece of paper. "Alright," He said. "Down the hall. You go there next." He said simply.

"No!" Replied the Doctor.

"No?" He asked.

"Yes, I said no!" The Doctor repeated.

"I am not a soldier, I am a-"

"You are a time Lord, and you follow the chain of command."

"I never have before and I never will!"

"Must you be so pointlessly rebellious?" Hissed the man, losing his patience. "We are at war! We have all lost things! Now, there is no escaping it. You leave, you die, and so does your friend here," He said gesturing to Amy. "So now you go down the hall to you-"

"Wait!" The Doctor said. He contemplated what to say. "Rule 109 passage 12, anyone the recruit is traveling with may be dropped off to safely before the war is fought," He said. Amy looked at him in a panic. His voice sounded hopeless. "What? No…" She said softly.

The man nodded, folding his hands together. "Yes," He responded. "You have ten minutes to drop the girl off, or we teleport you back. I presume you have a TARDIS?" He asked.

"Yes," The Doctor said.

"Doctor, you can't-"

"Very well," He said. "Hurry up."

The Doctor nodded and hurried out. "Doctor, wait!" Called Amy after him. He ran into the TARDIS, and she angrily followed.

"What are you doing?!" She insisted when the doors closed behind them.

"Taking you home, where you'll be safe," He responded.

"Well, you're not really going to fight, are you?!"

"What choice do I have?!"

"You get out!"

"They saw my TARDIS, they can find me! They'll either bring me back, or they'll kill me!"

"Well they'll most certainly kill you on the battlefield!"

"Well, maybe it's about time then!" The Doctor shouted. This left a silence resonating through the TARDIS. Amy took a soft step closer, her anger softening. She touched his cheek.

"This isn't you, Doctor. You aren't meant to die a soldier, it's just wrong…" She said quietly.

"Maybe…" He said. "But I've found my home. My species. Even if I die out there, just once, I won't be alone," He told her.

A look of hurt passed over her eyes. "I'm here Doctor," She said. "Does that still mean that you're alone?" A shaky sigh emitted from his lips and tears threatened to fall. He pulled away from her and set the coordinates for Earth.

"No!" She cried again. She tried to pull him back from the controls, but he didn't budge. He worked the controls like a machine as tears began rolling down Amy's face. "Doctor, you can't!" She shrieked. "Why are you really doing this?!" She cried. "Don't give me that no other choice rubbish! You always have another choice and you know it! Why are you really doing this, why would you ever?!"

The Doctor slowly took in a breath. "If your home was burning down, and everyone and everything you ever loved was trapped up inside and would never get out, if Rory was there, and your parents, and all your childhood memories, if there was no way of getting any of them out of that house. What would you do?" He said.

"I'd-" Amy began. She looked down guiltily. "I'd stay inside…" She muttered.

The Doctor slowly nodded. He pulled the dematerializer and looked at her. "We're at Earth, and it's been 10 minutes," He said. A childish grin came over his face again, but his voice was mature. "Good luck, Amelia Pond," Her name rolled gracefully off his tongue like they were in a fairy tale.

"No, wait!" She called after him. As she lunged to pull him back, his body shimmered and shook into light, and then into air, and then he was gone.

When the Doctor appeared, he found himself in a small, double-bunk room with not much else in it. A red, Time Lord uniform lied on the bottom bunk.

"Hey!" Said a voice. The Doctor turned his head to hear where it was coming from. He looked up to see a burly, muscular man, but with a somewhat friendly face and bright blue eyes standing behind him wearing the uniform.

"You want the top bunk?" He asked.

The Doctor slowly stood up, the realization only now coming to him. "You're a Time Lord…" He said softly.

The man chuckled. "Ah, most of us here are, mate. I'm Oridin, good to meet you."

"Oridin…" The Doctor whispered to himself. He hadn't heard another Time Lord sounding name in a very long time. He had almost forgotten what they sounded like.

"And… you are…" Began Oridin.

"The Doctor," He replied giddily.

"Ooh, nice, a Doctor. Need plenty of those. Doctor who?"

"Just… The Doctor…" He found himself saying. It occurred to him that he could have told him his Time Lord name, but he decided against it.

He raised his eyebrows. "Huh," He said. "Well, who am I to judge? Good to meet you, Doctor!" He held out his hand to shake his.

The Doctor chuckled giddily and shook his hand. He was really another Time Lord. This was… amazing.

Oridin's smile vanished quickly though. "Not much time for chit-chat, though, you best get your uniform on." He looked down. He didn't want to be here. "We ship out soon."

The Doctor nodded and grabbed the uniform.

"You change in here," Oridin said. "I have some people to talk to anyway," He started off down the hall, assumedly saying some goodbyes.

There was a mirror on the back of the door. When the Doctor had changed, he swung it closed and looked into it.

The man inside didn't look like him at all, really. He wore a red war uniform, and everything official-looking. He swallowed. Amy was right. This wasn't him. This wasn't even close. This was some… soldier. He felt as though strings were pulling him back. What was he doing? These were the people he tried to stop. The people who were trying to destroy everything. He wasn't willing to die for them! Why on Gallifrey was he here?!

He bit his lip. He knew the answer. Because maybe I wouldn't be alone, he thought. Alone. The word bit at him. The constant thought that no one was in your shoes, no one was in it with you, no one was even like you at all. It bit at him like frostbite constantly, and maybe, if it could stop just for a few moments…

There was a knock at the door. "It's Oridin. You done?" said a voice behind it.

"Yes, come in," The Doctor responded stepping back from the door.

Oridin stepped inside and shut the door. "2 hours until we move out," He said sadly. He sat down on the bed. "You got anybody at home, Doctor?" He asked him quietly.

The Doctor considered how to answer that question. "Not… anymore," He concluded saying.

The man looked up at him. "Daleks?" He asked.

"No, I um, sent her off. She'll be safe but I guess I'll never see her again…" This thought occurred to him slowly. My god... he never would see Amy again…

"Ah," He said, looking back down. "I've got a wife," He said. "And a little boy. He's only 20 years old but he's got the sweetest smile, and he's so clever…" A wistful smile brushed over his lips then vanished. "God knows if they're even alive…"

The Doctor didn't respond. "I'm not supposed to be here," He said finally. "This isn't what I do."

He shook his head. "None of us are," He told him. "But this is a war. This is _the_ war. It calls for desperate measures."

The Doctor looked away, and didn't reply.

Amy had pulled every switch in the TARDIS, but nothing had happened. It wouldn't let her move. "Ugh, please, I need to see him!" She shouted at it again. At last, panting, she stumbled back. There was no way she could get there… But she couldn't give up. She was unable…

She sighed loudly. There was one other option. It would make her look like an idiot, but she had to give everything a try.

"Look… TARDIS… the Doctor says you're sentient and I really hope he doesn't lie as much as River told me… so look," She straightened her back and looked straight at the console. "I don't know if you like me, and it doesn't matter. The Doctor is at war, as a soldier, fighting for Gallifrey! That isn't who he his! You know that!" Amy stepped closer and laid her hand on the console. "Please, we need to get him out of there. For him."

Amy shut her eyes and hoped. A few seconds passed. When she considered giving up, she finally heard the whooshing of the TARDIS's center. A grin flowered on her face. "Oh, thank you!" She shouted. "I'll keep him safe, I promise!"

The TARDIS landed softly, and Amy took in a heavy breath and burst out of the doors. The TARDIS took her to the right place. Screaming echoed over the land, and she wove through daleks and Time Lord soldiers. "DOCTOR!" She called. "DOCTOR!" She ran through the battle, but the soldiers got thicker in numbers. She got cut and bruised, like she were attempting to run through a thick forest. "DOC-" The back of a gun swung around at her and hit her in the head, leaving her on the ground and left for dead.

The first thing Amy saw when she woke up was a bright, white light, piercing under her eyelids. Her first thought was that she was dead, the second that she was in a hospital, and the third was that she was in the TARDIS. As her eyes adjusted to the light, she found her final assumption had been correct. She blinked, looking around. The Doctor leaned against the TARDIS wall, looking at her. She tried to move, but pain rushed through her unexpectedly, knocking her back down. Carefully, she shifted sideways to look at him.

The Doctor sighed with relief. "You're alive," He said, grinning.

"D… Doctor?" Amy croaked. "What happened out there?"

"You were pretty hurt. Ran out into the battlefield." He responded.

With a wince, Amy hauled herself up, until she stood on wobbly, aching legs.

"You're back," She chuckled weakly. "Thank God. We need to go."

"No, you need to go," He argued. "I already set the TARDIS to go back to Earth. We're in the vortex now."

Amy cocked her head at him. "What's happened to you?" She asked weakly.

The Doctor just shrugged.

Amy shook her head. "No, we're leaving. We're going back to our universe." She said.

"Why?" Asked the Doctor.

"We have to!"

"Why?!"

"We just do!"

"Tell me why!" The Doctor said. It sounded like a demand, but Amy could tell it was a plea. The Doctor didn't understand what he was feeling, what he was doing, what he was supposed to do. He wanted an answer.

Amy swallowed and shuffled carefully up to him. "Because this isn't you," She told him. "You're not a soldier. You're not a war hero, you're not… a killer or a defender of your planet! You're not supposed to be!"

"Then who am I really?! Who am I supposed to be?!" He asked softly.

Amy sighed and carefully turned back to the console, opening up a little panel beneath it where the Doctor kept his extra things. She sorted through the books and hats and alien stuff until she found what she was looking for. A red bow-tie.

She turned back to him and looked him in the eyes. "You are just a madman with a box," She answered quietly. She offered him the bowtie.

The Doctor took it gently, staring at it, running it around his hand. Slowly and steadily, a wide, childish smile spread back over his face, as his eyes filled with hope again. She was right. That was who he was. The truth that had been so concealed was obvious now.

"Ah yes! You're right, what was I doing, being a soldier?! Could you imagine me? A soldier? Haha, it's good to be back!" He said excitedly. He grabbed Amy by the sides of her face and kissed her on the lips, then raced down the hall to change back into his normal clothes, leaving her sputtering and confused.

The Doctor returned quickly, in what he usually wore. His suspenders and grey coat, his bow-tie and even a fez atop his head. Amy smiled. It was good to see her Doctor again.

"Alright!" He said. "Here's what we do! We can use parts from the TARDIS to create a bomb, one that implodes, not explodes. If we can make it powerful enough and use some of the spare regeneration energy still in the TARDIS, we can make a black hole on the crack, which will seal the wall and then disappear in just enough time to get us through to our universe!" He explained. "Ha! I'm on fire!" He said. From there, he began racing around the TARDIS, grabbing spare bits and pieces of space stuff and wire, putting it clumsily all together. He worked on it for a solid twenty minutes, as Amy waited on the side of the TARDIS. Surprisingly, the excitement still hadn't gone. She watched eagerly as he put together the machine. "Almost got it…" The Doctor muttered, tying together two wires.

His head shot up as someone materialized in the TARDIS.

He was young looking, with sandy brown hair, pale skin, and brown eyes. A Time Lord, as he wore the uniform. "Doctor," He said. "Research has been done on what you have done. You are a hero to the Time Lords, and we wish to have you back on the planet as general." He said.

The Doctor slowly stood, and looked him in the eyes. "I'm not a general, no. I have things to do here." He said.

"Doctor, who is that?!" Said Amy, slightly frightened.

"We figured you'd say that," He responded, ignoring Amy. "That's why we have brought in some persuasion."

The Doctor chuckled. "Alright, show me! Don't think it'll do much, though, I'm really needed here."

The man brought his wrist up to his mouth and said "Bring her in,". He never broke eye contact as a girl appeared beside him.

The Doctor's face fell into heartbreak as he looked at her. She had shimmering hazel eyes and curly blonde hair. She was in a long red dress falling around her, but it was torn and dirty. Her face and hands were covered in scratched. Flowers straight from gallifrey decorated her hair.

"Not her…" The Doctor whispered. "Please… anybody but her… you can't do this…"

"We offer a place daleks cannot infiltrate for you and her to stay. You and her will be safe, and when the war is over, allowed home. We will even bring the human. All you have to do is come back to Gallifrey and lead our army." The man coaxed. But the Doctor wasn't listening. He stared, wounded, into the girl's eyes. He swallowed. Tears were already in his throat.

"Will you come back?" She asked. Her voice was soft and light like waves against the shore. Her eyes glistened with youth as she looked at the Doctor with utter dependence. "Dad…" She whispered. Amy's heart fell at the word. No… she thought. "Will you come home?" She asked, hope in her voice.

The Doctor's voice shook, and tears rolled down his face. He turned to the soldier.

"The others?" He cried. The girl looked away.

"My sincerest apologies." He responded. The Doctor bit his lip and nodded. So she was left. It was better than he thought, but still, it hit him as hard as it did when he first destroyed Gallifrey (or so he thought) that his family was dead.

"Doctor?" Amy asked slowly. "Is 'dad' some Time Lord terminology or does she mean really…"

"No, he responded. "This is Eliza. My daughter."

Her face creased, hurt in her eyes. "I thought you were dead," She told him. "Everyone was gone, and I thought you were two! Why didn't you say something? Just to tell me you were alive!" She said. The Doctor didn't answer.

She sighed. "Okay, so you have your reasons. But this can change. Please Dad… this whole war left me alone. You could finally come home…"

The Doctor let out a small sob. "I can't," He told her.

"Why can't you?" She asked him.

The Doctor looked away. The reasons swam around in his head, and faded. Why couldn't he? Why did he need to be the hero? Why did he have to make the sacrifice? Why couldn't he just be happy?! He looked up at Amy.

"Doctor…" She said slowly. "You can't really be thinking…" He didn't reply. "We need you!" She said. "They ripped a hole in the universe, the daleks will cross to the other side!" She said. "We need to close the breach and-"

"And I can't be on this side?" The Doctor asked.

"No," Amy whispered. "No, you belong on the other side. With us. With everyone you've known!"

He turned to his daughter. "Dad… I miss you. I don't want to be alone again…"

The Doctor shuddered, dropping his face in his hands. What was there to do? Who was he supposed to abandon? His child or his best friend? His breath was teary and unsteady. Why was he always the one to make the hardest choices…?

He stepped forward and touched his daughter's cheek, then another step and put his forehead to hers. "Listen Eliza," He said, his voice cracked. "If I go back, I will let a whole universe be destroyed. I can't do that…. Now I need you to look inside yourself and tell me what you think is right," He told her.

She hesitated and turned to the soldier. "Give us a moment, please," She said. He nodded and vanished out of the air. Eliza turned back to the Doctor and swallowed. "You need to… go back to your universe…" She said, voice cracking. The Doctor sighed. Part of him didn't want to hear her say that, but she was right.

"And I can't come… because I won't belong… I need to stay on Gallifrey…"

The Doctor looked confused at her. "No, you could, if you wanted, you could-"

"No, Dad," She answered. "I have a home here. I help people now. I feed those who have nothing to eat. I help the children with nowhere to go. I can't leave what I've done,"

The Doctor chuckled sadly and stroked her hair. "That's my girl," He said softly.

She swallowed, tears now forming in her eyes. "I know what you're going to do to seal the crack." She swallowed the tears in her throat. "Do it." She said. "I'll go… back home and…" her voice broke, and she looked down, tears streaming from her eyes. The Doctor pursed his lips. Amy felt tears in her throat, and softly behind the sobbing she could hear a sound. Soft notes and lyrics, the Doctor sang. She couldn't hear what he said, but she knew it was a lullaby. The Gallifreyan ballad made tears catch in her throat. He sang softly to her, and her crying slowed. The notes wavered through the air, and Amy knew that when he looked at her, he saw his little girl again. Softly, he finished the tune and took her wrist, a metal band wrapped around it. He sang the final note and then turned it softly to the left, sending her on a teleport back to Gallifrey. This left the air around him cold, and he felt his cheeks were wet and tears rolled down his face. He gave a shaky sigh, and then wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

"Amy," He said trying to stabilize his voice. "Hook the bomb up to the red wire and then flip the violet switch," He instructed. Amy did as he said, as the Doctor positioned himself next to the TARDIS console. He sniffed and pushed forward a lever. The TARDIS hurried towards the crack until they parked just in the middle of it, the walls of the universe wrapping around them.

"Right, we don't have much time," he said, his voice going back to normal. "We'll have to hurry back into our universe."

"Can I go back home after this?" She asked. "I want to see Rory…"

The Doctor nodded quickly. "Of course you can, yeah," He said.

"Doctor…" Amy continued after a moment.

"Yeah?"

"Are you gonna… be alright?" She asked.

He hesitated for half a second, then nodded. "Oh, yeah," He lied. "Yeah, of course." He faked a smile, and Amy faked it back.

"Right!" He said, clapping his hands together. "Geronimo!"

He pushed a little red button on the bomb, threw it outside the TARDIS, them pushed on one of the levers as hard as he could. The TARDIS sped out of the crack as fast as it could. Amy's heart raced. Would they make it? But just as the bomb seemed to eat itself and leave behind a growing mass of black that sucked the universe together, they made it through to the other side.

Neither said anything. It was finished. Gallifrey was sealed off. They would try to find the Doctor, but no doubt unsuccessfully. The Doctor set the coordinates for Earth, Amy's home. It parked without her even realizing. "Go ahead," The Doctor had to tell her. Amy turned to him. Her mouth wagged, but no words came out. There was nothing to say. She exited the TARDIS, and Rory waited for her inside. The Doctor could see their silhouettes through the window. Rory greeted her. Amy paused before tackling him in a hug. At first the Doctor could see Rory was confused, but then he held her tightly back. He smiled softly. They were perfect for each other. They were perfect without him…

He stepped back and shut the doors to the TARDIS.

The silence flew around his head, and he walked steadily to the console. "Why me, TARDIS?" He asked softly.

"Why is it me to make these decisions? Why don't I get a home? A family? Why am I always left behind, why am I always _alone?!_ He shouted angrily. The word echoed off the walls and in his ears. That's what he was. More than that, it was his fate. The Doctor was spectacular, incredible, but he was alone.

"Why… am I still… alone?" He asked sighed and pulled the dematerializer on the TARDIS controls, setting sail for wherever would help him forget. Forget Gallifrey, forget Eliza…

As he thought about these people, he thought about the others he'd cared about. Rose. Martha. Donna. River. Jack. Just thinking about them, he didn't feel so lonely.

Still though, his essence and his home was trapped away forever. "So all I have is you," He said aloud. He put his hand on the center of the TARDIS. The only thing that was there from start to finish. He looked down, and he tried, as hard as he could, not to remember anymore.

"Come on dear," He whispered, occupying his mind with his travel, with who he may some day meet, continuing on just because of the fact that he'd always be alone, but maybe some day he would get to not feel lonely...

"We've got places to go."

END


End file.
